(Something i was writing for Femina Pune. However, before i finished it, the Editor told me it wont get published as some pages got dropped. Thought i should finish the piece the way i saw it originally, and post it here!)
Six months into our marriage, we realised
the key to happy matrimony is separate bathrooms.
In these blissful months, we explored most
of the travails in the “just married” category – which side of the bed is whose, cross
cultural eating habits, television viewing, choosing furniture; and the social
bits like, guest appearances at functions, family lunches, having friends over, going
out with work people and such.
In two years, as Pune didn't offer much in terms of career, Shiril moved back
to Mumbai to pursue a career.
There are two ways to look at the
situation. One can choose between Weekend Couple or Weekday Bachelor to define
our relationship. In the “weekday bachelorhood”, the party never ends!
Imagine coming home and not getting bothered with where you take off your shoes or throw your clothes. Or how long you watch the television or when or where and what you
eat for dinner? Imagine being married and still getting to live the bachelor pad life!!
However, weekday bachelor living is not as
easy a life that it appears to be. The man is at his vulnerable best through
the week. Since it’s very easy to go back to survival mode learnt during
college days, a lot of domestic things are compromised on. The maid knows that
you cant argue on the clothes that need to be washed or items in the fridge that need to be thrown out. Of course, one can never have a discussion on the days she bunked. The cook rings the bell only once and
waits for exactly 20 seconds for you to open the door. Post that you are on your own for all three meals for the day. You will find abt essential commodities and supplies running out, after they have run out. The dhobi wont change
his schedule for you, so you will find yourself wearing tee shirts and sweatshirts or ironing shirts in the morning.
There are many more critical services that are paramount to
your status as a working adult that need to be looked after. Even if you aren't running the world, these things need to be managed, and guess who does it in a weekday bachelor home?
Of course, a lot of chores do tend to get pushed to
the weekend, which also is the only time the couple gets to spend together. She comes home expecting to unwind and relax whereas
the i might have some unfinished tasks lined up. Luckily, the bills are paid online in our case and what remains is random commitments and shopping for groceries. I am the lazy one and Shiril has to drag me out to get supplies. She makes the list, we drive, she picks things off the shelf, sometimes asks my opinion, i push the cart and pay. Its clinical, but it works and keeps the fridge well stocked thru the week.
There are times when we get lucky and
spend more than a weekend together in either cities. Those are fun days! We chill, have late breakfast, catch a movie, go out for dinner, eat ice cream and such wonderful things. Sometimes, when we are together, friends come over from either town and we have a house party.
On the outset it might be
difficult to imagine how two people can fluidly get into two different roles and manage two different sets of
expectations. Living in two cities is a functional decision. Yes, in the long term, we could be wrong in the emotional distancing. The over all idea is to cherish the weekends we get together. With the
maddening work pressures, distance putting strain on the relationship, we look at the times spent together as a much needed sanctuary.
All relationships need to be worked on day after day. We are working on it in our own way - and having fun too.
